Sunday, 27 July 2008
it has been almost a month since the NS guy who was a temasek poly graduate pass away..i reallie don mean to post such a negative entry here but if u r in a super gd mood or feeling veri sad/emo already,pls skip this post and read it some other time or just like it go into history...i happened to chance upon my friend's blog which included his gf's blog..her entries really made me cry..it isn't like touching movie or drama series whereby the male lead died and the female lead moved on with her life..this is a true story..the two of them looks really very compatible with each other and everyone of their pictures made me sense the love between them..it wasn't the fact that she wrote there "baby and me" let me know that she was hsi gf but the love in their eyes and the love between them makes me realised they were a couple..it really hurts to see how much she love him and those photos/memories/messages that kept her strong after he left her..she mentioned how much she wish that he was here with her..she wanted nothing else but just him to be there with her..she was hoping that it was a mean joke,a prank played on her..it really hurts to know that your loved one died n you could see him/her for the last time..and the worst and most cruel fact was that you are waiting for his calls and messages and someone whom you don't know called you and told you that he was dead..it is so cruel for her...she had asked him whether could he not go for the Brunei training but he did not have a choice..if he had a choice,i guessed he would have also said that he will not go,and he will stay with her and all these would not have happened..who knows what will happened in the future?all of our futures were uncertain..no one could give a definite answer on the future..we could have planned everything so perfectly,but what if heaven decided that this should not be the plan,and heaven changed the plan for us unexpectedly?would we be able to adapt to the change?would the change be a nice one or a cruel one?everyone wished that all their planned future will be the actual future but not everything in life is so smooth-sailing...there will be unexpected changes here and there..if everything was so perfect it isn't life..in everyone's life,there is bound to be obstacles..i don't understand why heaven had the heart to break such a loving couple's bright future?they could have gotten married,give birth to a few kids and lived happily ever after..but now they are separated in two different worlds,nothing and no one can bring them together..the future which they planned are gone..the future is like a mess made up of broken glasses,if u wan to clear the mess but u might end up getting hurt by the sharp edges of the broken glasses..it hurts me to read all her entries..i don't even wish to put myself in her shoe to think about everything she is going through in her perspective,that is all becos it hurts even to see what she is going through as a stranger..she is trying to put up a strong front...she want everything to go back to normal,whereby he was there with her but at the same time she knew this won't happened..they have been together for 4 years..in this 4 years,many things could happened between them but their love held them together,no matter what they went through,in their heart,they meant alot to each other..it hurts too much to let go of such a long relationship..in my heart i aso pray hard for her that her life will be normal once again..all these made me realised that not everything is so smooth going in life but it hurts to learn of the hurtful truth and look back on the happy past..
all these make me think about me and bf..we are in a long distance relationship..many asked of our future plan..we always have an answer to those questions..but i wondered if those answers to those questions regarding our future asked will really be our future..many things will change isn't it?we changed from just being normal friends with saying hi/bye into friends who exchanged sms,met up after school,hang out till real late in the night,you would send me to my doorstep with a good-night..and now,we are a couple..every one of our friends knew we were an item..some reminded us of the obstacles that will come our way,but at the same time encouraged us to hold on bcos it was love&fate that got us together..i realised sometimes i liked the way our relationship is,the way we were there for each other,the way you were there despite how wilful i am,the way you reminded me to take care of myself when you are not by my side..i love your phone calls late in the night and those occasional messages you will send..i can never get to sleep without your calls..no matter how late it was,you made an effort to call me despite you have morning classes the next day..i love the way you surprised me with the things that was on my wishlist..you always knew what i was thinking,what i was going to do..you knew what every little circle on my calender meant..you knew the ways to cheer me up...you will do every little thing to make me smile..i just want a future whereby there is only us,our families and our friends and there is no one else to interupt our peaceful life..i realised that i have gotten used to alot of things after being with you..i realised i became more independent,i will even shop around town when you were studying overseas and i had nothing better to do,i will order a cup of ice-blended mocha and slack my wkend away at the Starbucks near my house and then shop at the supermarket and walk home..these things was not what i used to do during wkends..in the past,i either work my wkends away or go out shopping with clinques..but now,i realised i don't want such a happening life..though i will still want to meet my friends for shopping and gossips session but i also want some time to be on my own..i want some private,quiet moments..i have decided how my life will be for the next 6 months before you are back..i will study hard,meet up occasionally with my friends for shopping and gossips sessions,work during the wkend,be home for dinner almost every day,take Bajojo for puppy-training,read up more on healthly lifestyles,dog-training except for those days when i am working..and on my off days i will spend my days either sleeping or bring a book and head off to Starbucks order my ice-blended mocha and spent the whole afternoon there..and i admit there were times whereby i wished you could continued to study in Singapore rather than going back to Hongkong or going for further studies in Australia..but i realised this was the test that our relationship was put to..we were together for only like 2 weeks before you headed to Aus for studies..from the start i knew this relationship was not going to be easy..i even asked myself if i had the courage to be in a long distance relationship but then i decided i should give it a try..i should give myself a chance,give you a chance and who knows now we have already been together for more than 10 months..for the past 10 months,i didn't purposely made myself busy in order not to think of you because i knew that won't work..every single thing that i did reminded me of you,your calls,messages and emails made my days,i can't do anything right on those days that i don't see your messages when i woke up and usually that is because your lesson started too early and you forgot to bring your phone out..don't worry i know all your reasons for not calling,not messaging and not emailing..on those days without your calls/messages/emails,it will leave me anticipating for something,it made me have a tendency to peep at my phone to check if there is any unread messages or missed calls and when i spotted your messages/calls,there will be a big smile plastered to my face,no words could describe the joys and happiness of receiving your messages/calls/emails...
for every single thing you have done for me and despite every little things that you did to make me angry,i am still so in love with you..nothing can change the way my eyes lit when i see you,nothing can change the way my heart beats when i see you,nothing can change the way i wait for your calls,nothing can change the way i think of you,nothing can change the way I LOVE YOU..
after typing for so long,i realised this has been such a long and emotional entry..on a positive note,dad has allowed me to go out with bf today despite the fact that we were supposed to go to grandmother's hse on sunday when daddy was back..and i told bf i wan to go to T3 with him,and we are going there..elaine's bdae photos will be uploaded into the album once everyone sent me those that they have on their cam and the details will be updated again when i have the time since i can hear my bed calling for me now..
heading off to bed,wishing for a sweet dream and a nice date later..
Labels: who would bear to let go of their love?
Impossible to find,
3:32 am
Saturday, 9 February 2008
想喊你 卻沒敢開口
最後只有 流著淚看你走
我想問我 是否只願意就這樣放手
既然無法挽留 只好接受
從今以後 你要寂寞多久
誰能給予你 我這般的溫柔
也許是多慮了 你離開我會過得更快樂
可對於軟弱的我 回憶就足夠
分開以後 每當想到你 就會低下頭
緊握的手 不知過了多久
我相信你 也會有一樣的心酸難受
都曾經深愛過誰 有誰能捨得
在離開你之後 想快樂也只是一種強求
一個人 怎麼過都是愁
懂得擁有 卻未必能讓你為我停留
最後只剩遺憾 拉住我不放手
(ps..maybe we should not have fallen in love at all..or maybe we should think through..or it is that i am just not matured enough..)
sorry for those but i still loved you..
Labels: who would bear to let go of their love?
Impossible to find,
1:20 pm
